Do You and Your Spouse Need Help Ending Your Marriage in the Healthiest Way Possible?
Are the two of you struggling with how to tell your kids about the divorce?
Are you confused about what went wrong, even though you know it’s over?
Are you looking for divorce counseling because you’re both feeling frozen, unsure of how to say goodbye and move on with your lives?
If you and your partner have decided to divorce, you probably feel that your entire world has been turned upside down. You’re confronted with so many questions, fears and insecurities all at the same time: How will you start over? What will your lifestyle be like with so much less money? How will your kids react when you can’t be there on a daily basis? How should you and your partner co-parent?
You may not even know how to begin the process. Your communication may have completely broken down. You may already be deep in the divorce process and struggling to make headway because of all the blaming and resentment.
Divorce is One of the Most Stressful Things You Can Experience
Close to half of all marriages end in divorce. Divorce is the second most stressful life event for adults—second only to the death of a spouse or child. Divorce brings with it a wide variety of emotions including sadness, grief, loss, relief, anger, guilt and regret. In the midst of these emotions, it can be difficult to make clear-headed decisions for the benefit of your future—and that of your children. Unfortunately, the pain and disorientation does not end quickly. Getting divorced is a long, hard process.
Divorce means the end of life as you know it. Many couples endure drawn out legal battles as they disagree on how to best divide their assets and establish custody of their children. And although you and your spouse may have had a bitter relationship for some time, divorce still represents the severing of the emotional bond that you had with each other, creating a great deal of stress and anxiety.
Divorce Counseling can be a tremendous asset to you at this very difficult time. An experienced divorce counselor who is familiar with the wide range of issues that you face as you divorce can help you sort out the financial, lifestyle and relationship aspects of your lives so you can make the transition with as little damage as possible to all involved.
Divorce Counseling Can Reduce Pain, Conflict and Confusion
Divorce Counseling has two large stages: Pre-divorce and post-divorce counseling.
It’s an excellent idea to seek separation counseling before getting divorced. In certain states, it is actually a requirement. It turns out that 50% of divorcing couples change their minds in pre-divorce counseling because they decide that their marriage is salvageable.
Nonetheless, you may already be clear that divorce is the right option for you. In this case, pre-divorce counseling is a time for both of you to explore what you each want in terms of the divorce.
As your divorce counselor, I help you create ground rules for how you are going to relate to each other during this transition.
Divorce is such a threatening experience for a couple because it creates so much loss and upheaval. The impending dissolution of your marriage can cause you to behave destructively. However, it is still possible for you to end your relationship in a way that is based on mutual respect, honesty and fairness.
I assist you and your spouse in creating an agreement with each other that will guide your behavior through this difficult time. This agreement can cover how you are going to maintain civil communication, how to handle your finances, how to talk to your family and friends about the divorce, as well as all the other practicalities in your life, in a way that is sensitive to the needs of both parties.
Very importantly, marriage counseling can provide you and your spouse with a safe space to discuss your thoughts and feelings about the end of the relationship. Divorce is a learning opportunity. Counseling provides a space for the initiator of the divorce to tell their spouse exactly why they are divorcing them, and for the spouse to share their feelings about the relationship as well.
Honoring the good in your relationship, sharing regrets, reflecting on the lessons you have learned, and being willing to truly acknowledge that the marriage is over can help you part ways with conscious awareness and set you up for success in your future relationships.
Prior to becoming a couples counselor, I was a child therapist for many years, specializing in working with traumatized children and their families. I therefore am in a unique position to provide you with expert guidance on how to protect the mental health and well-being of your children during this trying time.
Here are some of the areas that we will be covering in your pre-divorce counseling, as they relate to your children
Understanding the ways in which divorce can impact your child
Identifying signs and symptoms that your child is experiencing significant distress
Breaking the news to your child about the divorce
Maintaining consistent discipline, routines and expectations in both homes
Refraining from sending your child negative messages about your ex
Supporting your child in expressing their feelings about what they are going through
Couples often seek post/after divorce counseling because they have been struggling with communication break-down in the divorce process. Many couples experience a high degree of conflict throughout their divorce. Multiple attorneys, therapists, agencies and other practitioners can create a confusing web of interaction. This is especially true when children are involved. Many times couples can be helped through targeted interventions to improve communication and help them get on the same page for the benefit of their children. Post-divorce counseling can show exes how to put their differences aside and improve their co-parenting relationship.
I’ve been a practicing couples therapist for over ten years. As a divorce counselor, my practice is unique in that I have a wide variety of therapeutic training and experience, with both adults and children. This allows me to help you and your partner through your divorce in a way that minimizes the cost to your whole family.
Are You Wondering If Divorce Therapy is Right for You?
We know we want a divorce. Will you, as our divorce counselor, judge us or push us to stay together?
As a divorce counselor, I hold a non-judgmental attitude and respect you and your partner’s decision to get divorced. I am not invested in whether couples stay married or get divorced. In order for marriage to work, both partners must wish to be in the relationship. If one or both of you are clear that you do not wish to be together anymore, you want to get divorced, and there is nothing that your partner could do to change your mind, then I will support you in your decision.
My partner is embarrassed to get help with the divorce. He’s not used opening up.
It is very important that both partners feel comfortable talking about their problems with a neutral third party. For this reason, I offer an opportunity for couples to speak to me at no charge prior to making their first appointment. This conversation can be done without the partner present to ensure that each of you feels comfortable to share openly. This gives you the opportunity to see if I am a good fit to support you through this process.
Although it can be difficult to share your feelings about this very sensitive and personal event in your life, being able to get things off your chest, improve communication and resolve disagreements as you go through the divorce will save you a lot of time, money and heartache in the long run. For many, couples counseling can be an important way to heal and move on with your life.
Why should we get divorce counseling as a couple? Wouldn’t it be better to get individual counseling?
You and your spouse may, in fact, benefit from individual counseling as you go through the divorce process. However, divorce counseling for couples affords many advantages that are harder if not impossible to obtain in individual counseling. Issues related to finances, lifestyle and children cannot be decided without discussing them with your ex. Seeking divorce counseling as a couple gives you the chance to process your feelings about the relationship, clarify your wishes for the future and create clear agreements with one another to optimize the outcome of your divorce. These are benefits that you cannot achieve in individual divorce counseling.
Divorce Counseling Can Show You the Light at the End of the Tunnel
Although divorce is inevitably stressful, divorce counseling can help minimize the pain and upset for your whole family. Help is available to you and your spouse so you can come to terms with all of the changes that you are experiencing as a consequence of choosing to get divorced. Don’t get caught up in doubt and inaction. Take the next step to get the support you need.
You can set up your free 30-minute consultation by clicking on the orange button below. I look forward to speaking with you soon!