Do You and Your Fiancé Want to Make Sure You Get off on the Right Foot?
Has something come up between you and your fiancé that makes you wonder if you’re making the right choice?
Are you ready to tie the knot but want to know what you’re getting yourself into?
Have you found your one true love… but are seeking premarital counseling so you can get on the same page about lifestyle choices and dreams for the future?
Getting engaged is a time of excitement, passion and hope for a couple. You may be full of joy and anticipation as you share the news with others and busily prepare for the big day. But deciding to get married can bring with it many challenges as well. You may be feeling overwhelmed by your in-laws or other people who seem to be constantly interfering with your life as a couple.
You or your fiancé may have discovered something about the other person that makes you question whether or not you will be able to make it work. You may be worried that you don’t feel that excited about getting married and wonder if this means something is wrong. Perhaps you’ve heard that it’s wise to get some marriage guidance before you get married and you are simply wanting to ensure that you stay married for the long haul.
Deciding to Get Married is a Major Turning Point for Most Couples
It’s natural to get cold feet about making a decision of such importance. Although a certain amount of anxiety is normal about committing to that one special person, couples can run into very intense fear or doubt about tying the knot.
There can be many reasons for this.
A pattern of frequent fighting with no repair can make a couple worry about their ability to resolve conflict in the future. The threat of infidelity can also be intensely destabilizing for couples, damaging trust and causing them to rush into getting married in an attempt to reestablish the connection they lost.
Many premarital couples suffer because they are unclear about why or whether they even want to get married. Couples can feel pressured by parents or others to marry, and may have grown up thinking that getting married was just “what people do.”
Many partners have had bad experiences in their previous relationships. This can make them apprehensive about committing to another person.
No matter what has occurred for you and your fiancé, entering into marriage without taking the time to share and resolve all of your worries and fears with your partner can create major problems for you down the road.
It’s important to know that marriage help is available to you. A skilled premarital counselor can help you and your partner explore all of your concerns in an atmosphere of safety, so you can be honest with each other and move forward as a couple in the best way possible.
Premarital Counseling Gives You the Best Chance at Marriage Success
Here are some of the ways I can help you and your fiancé during premarital counseling:
Getting to Know Each Other Deeply: Unfortunately, many people get married without knowing each other nearly as well as they think they do. Couples therapy offers you the opportunity to learn about your partner very deeply, so you really understand the way they tick. This deep knowledge includes things like knowing what makes your partner happy, what really throws your partner off kilter and how to please, excite and calm them. When both of you have this kind of knowledge of each other, it allows you to be much better partners and makes the relationship a great place for both of you.
Creating Agreements for Your Marriage: In order for relationships to succeed, it’s important that you have agreements with each other that are balanced, fair and just for both partners. And yet, many couples begin married life without any explicit agreements at all. This inevitably leads to problems as each partner brings with them certain implicit expectations of the other. When couples don’t talk about their expectations, they will run into problems when their partner does not meet them.
In session, I will help you to develop a solid foundation that covers the topics of sex, honesty, discipline, cheating, money, family, fairness, generosity and accountability, to name a few. This is the time to clarify these values and make sure they are firmly rooted in your relationship before you get married.
In pre marriage counseling, you and your partner will have the opportunity to make agreements for your relationship that are mutually beneficial. These agreements are based on your personal and shared values. The reason it’s so important to make agreements for your marriage is because it will help guide your behavior during the difficult times, when you may be tempted to make choices that would be detrimental to both of you.
Protecting Your Relationship from Destructive Influences: In a sense, newly married couples represent a new family of their own, even if they have no intention of having children. Marriage is actually a vulnerable time in the life of a couple. It means leaving the past behind and forging a new life together.
Marriage therapy offers couples the opportunity to protect their relationship from destructive influences, whether those arise from within the couple, such as negative patterns of managing conflict, or from outside influences, such as in-laws, exes, step-children, work, or social media. In session, I will help you identify any harmful influences that may be interfering so you can protect your relationship. Relationship counseling also helps you to understand the value of putting each other first, being the go-to person for each other in all matters of importance, and prioritizing each other’s well-being.
You and Your Fiancé May Question Whether or not Premarital Counseling Is Worth it…
Why should we add marriage coaching on top of all the wedding expenses and time constraints we already have?
The average wedding costs a whopping $28,000. The average couple will spend about $3,400 on their honeymoon. By contrast, family counseling costs on average less than 3% of these expenses. Couples often spend a great deal of time and money preparing for the actual wedding. But when the party is over, they find that they have spent almost no time preparing for what it means to be married. This can leave a couple ill-prepared for the long road ahead. A small investment upfront can save you years of conflict and stress.
The average amount of time spent in premarital counseling is 8 hours, the equivalent of a work day. Wouldn’t you make this small investment of time if you knew it would increase the chances that you could reap the benefit of long term happiness?
Does premarital counseling really prevent divorce?
Many couples wait until they are already married before seeking marriage counseling. But some studies show that couples who underwent counseling before getting married had a 50% greater chance of staying married than those who did not. But you may still wonder why it’s important to get help when your problems seem so minor. Research shows that couples who get help early on have the greatest chance of long-term success. This only makes sense as the problems you have are not set in stone. You haven’t had time to build resentment. This makes it much easier to repair, thus increasing the likelihood that you will stay together.
I’m afraid that premarital counseling could open up a whole can of worms. It could destroy our relationship. Why go there?
If you have these concerns (and many people do) you should know that your avoidance of the issues with your partner is only going to create hardship for both of you in the long run. Although you may think that talking about your worries openly may push you apart, the reality is that most couples experience tremendous relief and a new sense of closeness and confidence in their relationship when they take the time to share everything that’s on their minds. This allows them to get married with no second thoughts.
Resolve your Question Marks Before You Tie the Knot
Marriage is a long journey. Like any long journey, it requires careful preparation in advance to ensure success. If you and your partner are looking for a premarital counselor to help you get ready for a long and successful life together, I invite you to contact me so I can help you find the happiness and peace-of-mind you want for your marriage.
Get more information about PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy).
You can set up your free 30-minute consultation by clicking on the orange button below. I look forward to speaking with you soon!